War time is the opportunity to talk

Reflections from the Differences and Multicultural Institute on a project facilitator's role amid the war in Gaza:

In times of war, as we could see in the second Lebanon war and in the current war in Gaza, the sense of confidence goes "to the shelter" and fear gets to be at the "stage centre".

It does not reflect only Jewish and Israeli Palestinians relations but it reflects itself on any emotional coping with others. When fear is there, it is there and it paints it all. When everybody is alert, consciousness goes to sleep and unity is the name of the game. Unity serves as a "fear container"; meaning, in time of fear, we tend to recruit the old rigid thinking patterns that help us to deal with the current reality.

This state of mind is being reflected in our training program. Our regular working process requires development of emotional capabilities to see the other as a reflection, mirror, of oneself. This requires some sense of confidence and intimacy.

In time of war, we can see participants who have more difficulties to create self and professional reflection towards prejudice and stereotypes because they need to be protected. It is not a regression in the work process, it is the story of the group in conflict times but it is, in a nut shell, also the reflection of the Israeli society.

A particular example from the project is the encounter group between an Arab community and a neighbouring Jewish community. It all went well until after the local municipal elections and just before the beginning of the war in Gaza that the new head of the municipality in the Jewish community decided that he does not want the project in his community. We than offered the project to another Jewish community nearby, who were happy to join it but than the war broke and it was all stopped "until after the war".

Another example from the project, from one working group of Arab and Jewish educators. At the last meeting (a week ago), two of the three Arab participants were absent and five of the Jewish participants as well. One of the Jewish participant that did show up left after five minutes, she could not stop crying because her son is a soldier in Gaza and she lives in constant fear.

We asked her to stay and be there with her authentic emotions but she felt it was too difficult for her. The Arab participant was silent, afraid of talking and the whole group was paralyzed.

The ways we found as facilitators, to help the group was first, to bring what they feel into the group, second, to ask them to talk as "you (singular) and me" and not as "you (plural) and us" and third, to make the group feel that the group can be a safe place and will not fall apart even if they express their thoughts and feelings, and do not reflect "unity" but a variety of opinions and disagreements.

I do understand very well and deeply empathize with those feelings but I think that after so many years of conflicts, war time is the opportunity to talk about things, bring them into the centre, see them as they are, if we want to create change, since conflicts and war became part of our daily reality. This is the reality and we need to face it as it is and not wait until... until when?

It is the central role of us as facilitators and I feel fortunate that slowly slowly we are walking there with the groups.